苦难的意义

今天偶然看到sonorousVoice,名为“斯坦福学费两百万,我发传单也要赚出来”的文章。通篇阅读,突然梦回到了16年黑漆漆的冬夜里波士顿的那所老年公寓 – 年少的我因为母亲的脾性也吃过不少苦,使得那些年的自己沉浸在沉默寡言的“苦难”中。

我已忘记她那时是否在做着名校梦,也不曾知晓更加privileged留学圈的更多细节。在高一成绩出来前的那一晚,我从不觉得自己会在这个新环境中是任何形式的佼佼者。黑乎乎的房间里秒针在哒哒的响 – 我那时只认定一个死理:人外有人,我只能拼命赶。其实现在想起那时世界观的冲击和体制差距的打击似乎已经变得暗淡了。在A村的日子,我越来越融入我的集体,在大环境中找自己的定位,所以变得更加自信,健谈,如鱼得水。现在看来,不能说这是件坏事 – 毕竟在接触更广泛天地的时候,能够慢慢去摸索这个世界的真实模样是难能可贵的。只是在冲击感慢慢消散的同时,容易忘了自己来自哪里,凭什么走到了这里。

但是我们根本就不一样。

我走到这经历了多少劫胡,就有多少东西在支撑着我走下去;我来的路上有多懵懂,出去的路上就该有多坚定。我能走到这,就表明我的生命力应比身边的人强大。我走到这,我的目标不该在这儿。我想要活的更好,我想要别人因为我活的更好。这是苦难于我的意义,也是我的教义。

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