>late night rambling eps I
Hell yeah, I’m back – after good long ~20 days? I’ve been having a lot of stimuli in my life and honestly did not feel like writing.
& It’s midnight again, the typical time for inspiration to come and flow through. So I wish to make it stain.
Let’s talk about flakiness today, something that I hated to the bone but still could not manage to completely turn away from. I’m reminded of this, with a clear mind (let’s wish), because of one of my good friends. He’s been, well, the ultimate embodiment of the word flakiness. I remember back in the time when we were still living on campus, he’s been like a phantom – I never saw him during the regular dining hours and he told me, explicitly, that “cuz it’s taking up too much time.”
This feels like yesterday to me – the time when we were still high schoolers, you know, with nothing to worry about but APs and superficial college stuff. Well, college, college’s been different, and it’s been unreal – when everything starts online, there feels like no clear line that marks the “next phase of your life”. But anyway, no more tangent talks.
My friend reminds me of flakiness because we’ve been planning for a trip to Dali together, as long as half/a month ago? I can’t even be sure – but he was just NON-RESPONDING throughout. It wasn’t frustrating at first because I knew him, the king of procrastination and last-minute decision-maker, but it did stop me from doing things on the side just because I wasn’t sure of his plan & time. So, that’s flakiness.
Wow, that’s a good amount of vent – I promise I didn’t mean it but it’s really late right now and I can’t even hold my brain from farting. Well, plus, he went to Stanford. I just remember that in a Youtube video (that I also took a screenshot & sent to him) Kath, the Youtuber, also complained about this – that Stf being the school of flakiness. This is indeed a, “he fits right in” moment and a “look this is assimilation” moment. And I wonder why??
People who know me would know that stf was my NO.1 dream school that broke my heart so badly last year. Well maybe I didn’t deserve it, but it’s also kind of a disillusion thinking that flakiness is even becoming a school culture. Why? Why do those most competent people being so unreliable? Or is it just to people who they think don’t worth their time taking care of? Or is it because they are just trying to take up too much and failed to manage everything with a limited amount of energy available?
Ok besides the main talk, I just went through something (from a variety of sources) that really reconfirmed my belief on this: No one really cares about you. Really, maybe your mom does, but you don’t ever reveal every part of your life to her. So there is really no use to be annoyed or distracted by thoughts like “oh how they gonna see me if I act in this way/if I send/post this/if…” This might sound pessimistic, but it really isn’t!! Because firstly this is true it is the golden rule and secondly that this makes you happy makes you free from noises. Imaginary perceptions from the outside sometimes would really stop us from making the right decision (I mean long-termly). So these days I remind myself more than a thousand times every day – “no one fking cares so just do what’s right for you.” And this is it. Thinking in this way brings me comfort and also a “who cares” attitude to things that I should not, eventually, care/concern about. So yeah, one more random life philosophy! Go get water! Love & Care!